Ah, children. With their wide eyes and impish smiles, not yet wise to the ways of the world. Children are supposed to be innocent bastions of purity, free from guile. We love our children, and we love spoiling them by buying them toys. It is just too bad that not every toy manufacturer got the memo about children being bastions of purity. Without any further ado, I present the top 5 list of inappropriate toys designed for children.
Water guns are a staple of summer fun and a cheap way to provide your children with hours of entertainment. And what could be more fun than this Batman water gun? All you have to do is open up the back and pour it in, then press hard on the trigger for a big load to come shooting out. Batman, we had no idea.
Children’s little hands are still growing, and gravity has a way of getting the best of them. Many a parent has thankfully purchased sippy cups to help minimize messes. And if your children are big Toy Story fans, you can get them this Buzz Lightyear cup! Now all they have to do is put their lips on the straw and suck hard until liquid refreshment slides down their throats!
Wait a minute. That pleased look on Buzz’s face is starting to look a little TOO pleased.
It is a dildo. No seriously, look at that thing. That doesn’t even come close to looking like a toy for children. Somehow nobody involved in the production of this thing noticed that they were making a dildo??!
Designed in such a way to make every young boy feel inadequate, this Punisher action figure features what in essence is a massive missile jutting out of its crotch. The gritted teeth and clenched fists only add to the eh…erectness of the whole situation. Granted, this is a shape-shifting toy and the giant crotch rocket only appears halfway through the transformation. Ok, let’s see what the finished toy looks like:
Oh, my. We didn’t think it could get any worse. We were wrong. Evidently, The Punisher is a very hardcore power bottom.
Of course, no list of inappropriate toys for children would be complete without the kiddie vibrator. Who knew what the marketing department for Mattel thought when they came up with this winner? Maybe they knew exactly what they were doing all along. 😉 Bless their perverted little hearts. The Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 was a plastic broom that you straddled. Once you turned it on it started vibrating, no doubt magically transporting you to a realm of magic and bliss.
The broomstick was discontinued once sex shops started carrying it at double the retail price and these days it is much harder to locate. But if you still have one, and your kids are going through batteries at a rapid rate, it might be time to rethink this particular toy…;)
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